If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
