new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
