woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
