hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
