She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
