hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
