i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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