why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
