I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
