bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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