Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
