last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
