she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
