Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
