I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We need to get me chipped asap
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
