I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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