so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
