Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
