we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
