This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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