you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
