somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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