i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
