I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
