I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
