Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize