I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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