i don't like sucking hair
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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