Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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