I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
