Your face is a jimmy john
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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