something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
