apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
