Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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