Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
