i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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