do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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