Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
