They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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