i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
