Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
