Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
