im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
