She's JV to your varsity
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
