On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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