I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
