Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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