i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
