lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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