The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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