Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
