First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
