i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
