just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
