Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
