i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Randomize
