apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
