I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize