Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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