Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
