I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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