Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
