actually, I'm a sock model
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize