Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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