omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
