I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
