quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
