I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
