Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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