Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
